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About Me deviantART Subscriber Wise Ass Nikhi Adelle Morgaine.21/Female/United States Recent Activity Deviant for 2 Years
14 Month Subscription
Statistics 271 Deviations
26,527 Comments
68,661 Pageviews

With Every Lonely Tear

:heart:Dearest Sarah Desirae. Your tears hurt me every time I see them fall. I know our faith is shakey and torn and burned. But, your undying faith and hope keep us going. You, small as you are, carry us. You lead us through. You hold us up. You make us strong. And, while we're broken, you make us brave -- help us stand tall when we'd rather cradle in a corner away from the hurt. I'll catch every single tear and cry with you. I'll never let you go. We will make it through together. These tears and rips at the heart will build us up. They'll puddle in mercy water, showering us in grace and redemption. We will dance again darling. Until then, I will hold your hand and be the one to sing you to sleep. I will carry you to Jesus on my knees..:heart:

Kids

As a survivor of child abuse and trauma (as well as adult abuse as well), photographs of children have a very unique place in my heart. Even the most joyous face on a child can actually evoke SO much sadness in me. Images of sadness, abandonment and pain can actually rekindle a sense of validation and connection with me. While, also each image can evoke a different experience inside of me simply dependent on the day I happen to view it.
I never plan to have children and actually don't do well with kids (mostly because of what I've already explained; it's always uncertain and unpredictable how I may feel around them, let alone interact). The images of them here on dA seem to hold a nostalgic, sweet soft-spot in most people's hearts around here. For me, that's not the case, really. But, the essence of a child and capturing that in some way artistically Speaks to me. It's healing, while at times painful. It's beauty and joy and sometimes silly. But, most of all, it's something I want to Experience (vicariously through these images). Whether it's joy and carefree bliss in innocence I never got to have myself, or even tending to old wounds by looking at the pain in another child's eyes; I need to experience it now. Thank you to all artists who make this possible for me.

Critiques

by =Ronaaa

This photograph NEVER ceases to not only capture my stare, but my heart. The title alone reminds me of the ever-classic father-daughte...


There's a chance I may be critiquing many of your photos as I stumble through your gallerie here, but I must say, this one didn�...

by =fhrankee

my first reaction was absolute calmness that it evoked in me. while many try to capture the beauty of nature as well as the soft delic...

The Beth Anderson Fund

WE NEED YOUR HELP


As many of my watchers know, I recently held a contest for my dearest friend,
Beth Anderson
who was in the hospital at the time.

If you don't know her story,
this is the link to a previous news article on her:
[link]

She, like myself and many others, is a childhood physical and sexual abuse survivor.
She's now been out of the hospital awhile,
but she lives in L.A.,
and the treatment she still needs is HERE.

She's come to live with me (June 17), expense free for about a year.
That includes meals, house, extraneous expenses, on us.
THE HUGE DILEMMA?

Her medical bills alone,
I repeat JUST medical bills
are going to be a minimum of
$1000 a week.

Here on the east coast,
(mainly in our very small, and somewhat backwards, town in Pennsylvania),
many salary-paying jobs don't even earn that much!
Unless you've lived here manyyy years and have a well-established career,
this is impossible.

We have some jobs in place for her and are contributing all WE can,
but that won't even TOUCH the medical necessity portion.

Working full-time alone while being fully invested in treatment is all but impossible,
but it's the only way to do it.
As the time draws nearer, we're seeing that even at her current state, she's definitely unable to work full-time and we're really holding out on donations, benefit concerts, and the pay she can earn in the jobs she can work.

So, I humbly come to you.
You've helped me endlessly in times of emotional support and encouragement.
This community is AMAZING in what we do for one another.
And the contest? Was a HUGE success and made her wellness soar!!!

However, this time, it's sadly REAL dollars that we need.
Without this treatment, things could be very disastrous as her condition is quite severe.

HERE IS THE PLAN:
A Donation Bank Account has been established for the medical expense relief of Beth Anderson. The account is held at the Member's First Federal Credit Union in Dillsburg, Pennsylvania. Donations in any amount can be made via check or money order payable to "The Beth Anderson Medical Fund". These funds can then be snail-mailed to:
Beth Anderson Medical Fund
c/o Kristie McKonly
3266-2 Rosstown Road
Wellsville, PA 17365.
We have given this bank permission to verify to anyone who calls that this fund does actually exist and they may even provide a little information about it if you have any doubts -- after all, this IS the internet and I wouldn't blame you for being weary. I can give you both the phone number and/or the bank's address upon your request.

We also attempted to open a Pay-Pal account for the same purpose. This would allow those residing outside of the United States to contribute without having to pay extra for the U.S. conversion rates. However, due to the fact that it is a specific donation account in the bank, this option was said to be unwise since many things can go wrong.
However, I myself, Kristie McKonly have a PayPal account (the email is black_n_whitecolor@yahoo.com) and have already tried this with two people successfully that they donate to me, I immediately withdraw that money and write it out to Beth to install in her donation fund. Upon her receiving the money, she will contact you if you wish so you can be CERTAIN that neither of us kept your money for ourselves -- that she DID receive the money from me and that it was written out only to The Beth Anderson Medical Fund.

Our attorney has informed us that it will be costly to apply for Non-Profit status on the account, which would allow donations to be tax-deductible as charitable contributions; thus, we have opted not to do this at this time. Donations can be deducted as "gifts" if you qualify for this deduction. However! If anyone was considering contributing this way and has now decided against doing so because we do not have a Non-Profit status please inform us of this so that we can decide if the benefit outweighs the costs involved. Obviously, we would like every penny to go directly toward defraying medical expenses; however, if there were a large donation hinging on the non-profit application we will seriously consider taking the appropriate steps.

If you have ANY questions, doubts, things to double-check on, you can message me anytime. This cause means the WORLD to me!
This girl means the world to me, and I swear if anything ever happened to her or I lost her....it wouldn't ever know what to do with myself.

Contacting myself or now Beth herself, by email may be the best option considering we are both SWAMPED in dA notes/comments to the point they easily go missed; especially if you have questions:
Kristie McKonly: black_n_whitecolor@yahoo.com
Beth Anderson: elizanderson@cox.net
Beth also just opened a dA account herself and is learning how to navigate the page before uploading some of her own works. Her dA name is ~deviantbynature1940 and you could also give her your support there.


THANK YOU IN ADVANCE FOR ALL OF YOUR HELP!
Please, please, pleaseeee spread the word!
This is SO important!
(And also, if you're young or without much money, purchasing her album is a small thing that DOES help her in a small way too!)

Post this in your Journals, Church Bulletins, Blogs, Facebooks, Emails, Parents, Businesses even!
I'm just a one-man show.
I can't come up with $5000 a month for a year.
But, we WILL do this!
And, its because of YOU all!
Also? If you know any other deviant to contact who would be touched by this story, please contact them.
Beth IS an artist.
A published singer/songwriter.
Lyricist.
Visual artist.

But, most of all?
a Survivor.


:pray:Now lets help her LIVE!:pray:
...no longer just survive.

all of my
:heart::heart::heart:
:blowkiss:
THANK YOU ALL!!


She's scared, nervous and very afraid, though she's living here, that the funds just WON'T turn up.
Let's unite together and help a struggling girl find at least a little cushion to fall on.
Your kindness is plentiful,
your hearts are warm.
If I were going to ask this of ANY community,
it would be THIS one.


In closing, for anyone in the Facebook community, there is also a Cause set up for her there, too that you can invite your Facebook friends to join and read about this cause outside of dA. The link is: [link]

Wishlist

Fave News

Watchers

Apologies and an update on ME

Journal Entry: Sat Jul 4, 2009, 11:36 PM


Sorry I've been so MIA againnn to all of my loyal and wonderful watchers.
I DO actually plan to post some more photography again soon and not just writing.

With Beth now here, it's been hard getting things into a normal routine; but hey, I MAY also have a new "model" on hand and we'll work on some things there.

It's 2am, which is normally no biggie for me, but I have to be up for church soon and my goodness I have NOT been sleeping for days and days and days. (again, i know my frequent watchers or close friends are thinking -- um? you NEVER sleep; this is nothing unusual.) and it's not, but i should actually be updating you all on what happened in the area of my health -- but it's SO long and complicated to explain and i personally can't emotionally even THINK about that right now; but basically at the moment, my body is literally just giving up and i have NO energy or strength to get through the day.

Beth's company's been wonnnnnderful; but at the same time no one can fix my physically deteriorating body. It's just giving out. There is treatment; but it's undecided as of yet and the calls are all mine, but I literally just do NOT know which call to make, considering all my choices are bleak and grim and grueling.

I'll be picking up therapy twice a week again once Beth starts treatment on the 14th and then getting in the routine of church twice Sundays and class on Wednesdays and odd jobs throughout the week and still doing all I can for both Beth and myself. She has treatment three days a week, so I may also be attending those days with her so she has a friend and another driver; which is a minimum of five to six hours away from home then, too.

So, basically I'm not really going to be home much and am trying to wire my body to sleep "normal" hours -- and since it doesn't know how to DO that yet and I still have daily obligations to tend to, I've been just going and going and going with no sleep at all or horrible amounts of nightmares and trauma symptoms alllll night long. I can't lie to you; things have actually been REALLY ugly since June started.

But, keeping my eyes set on helping Beth helped keep me SAFE and lifted my mood although every evening was and has been a horror-fest that I honestly canNOT put into words. I'm going to be honest; sometimes I look at the things I do with my days and wonder if anyone would do the same things for ME if I needed them. When will someone take care of ME? ....and on that note, I must thank all those who wrote poems, did writings, submitted deviations and all SORTS of treasures you all offered me through the month of June that you dedicated to me. You all know who you are that did those things. So, I MUST recognize those people and what they did for me. (I hope to give you direct shoutouts here soon, so just wait, lol)

So, that's pretty much it. Thank you to all that've stuck with me in my causessss here for Beth -- faving news articles, donating MONEY and time and journals and recruiting others' attention. That means SOOO much to the both of us. I'm actually looking ahead at MY treatment and realizing that I may actually be having to fork out large chunks of money if shortly here I get in with a person I'm hoping to get in the door with. (and my own therapist/treatment team doesn't even realize I have my eyes set elsewhere yet .. sighhh)

Okay, I have GOT to try to sleep. Falling asleep in church or even seeming uninterested is not a good feeling and I actually have been dealing with some serious religious traumas of my childhood that go beyond my normal understandings of abuse physically and sexually that I was aware of in memory form -- now I've been unveiled to a whole onslaught of memories along the lines of SRA (google it or look it up on Wiki -- i can't talk about it) .....and i'm just BESIDE myself on all that and need ALL the strength i can get to make it through services and not pass out from dissociation or find myself in flashbacks and frozen, cold-blooded fear from those memories while sitting inside a church on Sundays (or Wednesday) just because I've been dealing with new memories I didn't know about before that are just.....too TOO much to take.

So, I need ALL the strength I can get to make it through tomorrow safely and the upcoming week that has SO much in it and all the weeks thereafter.

I hope to again return to my photography here soon and get things rolling again there. Thank you for your patience and support. I presently feel like my legs won't hold me up any longer....but I refuse to surrender no matter how badly my mind and body are insisting that I must.

"I won't put my hands up and surrender. There will be no white flag above my door...."





:star::star::star:
PURCHASE NOW ON iTUNES, NAPSTER, RHAPSODY, LALA, eMUSIC AND MANY OTHER CARRIERS
[the debut album of my dearest friend]
:star:Elizabeth Anderson:star:
"The Stars Are Falling"




:tribute::tribute::tribute::tribute::tribute::tribute::tribute::tribute::tribute:

  • Mood: Mortified
  • Listening to: Traveling Soldier
  • Reading: The Shack
  • Watching: My eyelids droop
  • Eating: Can't -- I'm allergic to ALL food groups!!!!
  • Drinking: Diet Dr. Pepper Cherry

deviantID

Devious Info

  • Current Residence: NorthAmerica. usOFa. pennsylvania. wellsville. aBox.
  • Interests: your mom.
  • Favourite movie: white.palms//fight.club//the.fountain//center.stage//stick.it//august.rush
  • Favourite band or musician: a.fine.frenzy/bright.eyes/metallica/tegan&sara/flyleaf/tokio.hotel/eisley
  • Favourite genre of music: indie.rock.punk.metal.alternative.hardcore.classical.oldies
  • Favourite artist: ....and insult all the viewers of this page?? how rude.
  • Favourite poet or writer: ask me tomorrow. i'll tell you something different.
  • Favourite photographer: my camera is swell on his own.
  • Favourite style of art: sarcasm. its an art form.
  • Operating System: I am a FATAL ERROR. http 404. system down.
  • Shell of choice: the one i live in // no one gets in.
  • Wallpaper of choice: white paint; box of sharpies.
  • Skin of choice: i wanna be black. no, i'm being serious.
  • Favourite game: tetris. hands down. you lose.
  • Favourite gaming platform: whooo?? ..doesn't wanna play on a highway? i do.
  • Favourite cartoon character: cartoons should die. except DaRiA. ..and trent. ..and jane. but quinn must die.
  • Personal Quote: Trespassers will be SHOT! Survivors will be shot again.
  • Tools of the Trade: oh, i'm numba one of 'em all, slick.
http://motionlesssndtrk.deviantart.com

Friends

:iconbrisni: :iconcreate-illusions: :icondariask899: :icondeviantbynature1940: :icondevils-horizon: :icondirtofgrandeur: :iconglitterdarkstar: :iconifeyescouldtalk: :iconkrmenxa: :iconnerdynotdirty: :iconneuroticart: :iconnightmaresontv: :iconromanorumcamena: :iconronaaa: :iconrooze: :iconsm-photography: :iconstannleigh: :iconxpinktuxtotheprom:

You say? Why?

30%
29 deviants said I don't go to sleep to dream.
15%
15 deviants said Let me sink in the silence that echoes inside.
15%
15 deviants said Like a battered child I got used to the pain.
10%
10 deviants said I'll never live the life that wakes me in the night.
8%
8 deviants said My winter giving way to warm, as I'm singing him to sleep.
6%
6 deviants said I'm aware of what you mean and by then I'm only 10 years old.
6%
6 deviants said My heart went cold and only hollow rhythms resounded from within.
5%
5 deviants said A vacancy that just did not belong; the child is gone.
4%
4 deviants said I wore the time like a dress that year.
0%
No deviants said The last-chance streetcar went off the tracks; and, you're on it.

Comments


[link]
Whenever you have time, with all my love :heart:
Love the ideas =)
Very well composed photographs, hope to see your new works^^

--
If you like a photograph on my gallery,
please comment before add favorite^^
I was just browsing dA when I saw your art in someone's favourites...
I'm deeply touched, your emotions really reach out to the viewers in every single work of yours which I looked at.
I wish I could say that I know what it feels like, but if I did, it would be a lie, as being just 14 and living a very easy life thanks to my wonderful family, I am probably unable to comprehend such complex emotions.
Yet, I would like to say... I'm with you.

--
~Official Deidara (and Akatsuki) fangirl~
Worship LunarMaddness-sama or else (else = Be sacrificed to Jashin) !

Don't aim for the sky , when you can conquer the world >:3
Someone just directed me towards your profile, and I figured I'd tell you that you kinda do look like Tegan and/or Sara a little.

P.S. Daria is the Mo-Fo'in WIN!

--
Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found its words. ~Robert Frost
*hug*

God be with you.

--
[link] Help a person in need for free.

Sometimes it takes near-drowning to get your feet back on the water.

(Sounds like something Peter would say, huh?)
I put a small donation in the mail today...I'm sorry it wasn't very much, but it was all I have to give right now... I really hope it helps...

*hugs*

--
They say I should not write this way
writing till the break of day
but I care not what they say
for they are why I am this way.

:heart: I love Jim.:heart:

:bulletred: :bulletorange: :bulletyellow: :bulletgreen: :bulletblue: :bulletpurple:
Thanks :hug:

--
I read today in a magazine
that men don't like girls who are shy and sad
so now I wear my magic smile, just for you
I put my magic boots, I ride my magic horse
I am so brave, I don't fear anything!
Hehe yay! Thank you for faving Kristie!! :hug:
thank you , I'm honored :heart:
wow, i just have to say, i LOVE your polls.
hahahaha. :)
thanks a bunch for faving 2 of my photos! Your gallery looks beautiful, I plan to take a closer look! Thanks again for your support!

--
"Be yourself-everyone else is taken!"-O.W
Hi Kristie.
Thanks so much for adding Forever Dream to your favorites.
It makes me happy.
Take care :)
:hug:

~Josh~

--
Name: Joshua Ward

DA Gallery: [link]

~My heart belongs to none. But my love belongs to you..~

[link]

[link]

Go to Sora and Koji's gallery! :)
Thank you so much for adding Silent Child to your favourites Kristie. :hug: I'm so glad you like it. :hug:

~Josh~

--
Name: Joshua Ward

DA Gallery: [link]

~My heart belongs to none. But my love belongs to you..~

[link]

[link]

Go to Sora and Koji's gallery! :)
:iconrainbowwaveplz1::iconrainbowwaveplz2::iconrainbowwaveplz3:


:heart:THANKS FOR THE FAVORITE! GOD BLESS!:heart:
:iconrainbowwaveplz1::iconrainbowwaveplz2::iconrainbowwaveplz3:

--
:star:God's promises are like the stars, the darker the night the brighter they shine!:star:
:D Thanks for the :+fav:S

--

Sugod mga kapatid
Tayo ay magsama-sama
Iwagayway na ang bandera
Rakenrol hanggang umaga!

-Sugod (Sandwich)

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