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More from ~motionlessSndtrk

the church of what's happened in my seat in the sanctuary
with virgin white light cascading over my arms like a spotlight on my presence,
i feel my skin about to burn a hole right through the pew--
my ring about to eat the very flesh and bone from my finger.
as the congregation turns to watch acidic tears erode canyons in my cheeks
they know that i'm the girl who tainted their Sunday
when i touched foot in the doorway with my crimson sins,
staining all before me that'd once been holy.

in horror and shame i sit with my head in my hands,
curled upon my knees,
praying for redemption--
and know there's no girl who deserves it less.
i promised with my life,
and i
i don't go to sleep to scream it's happening again;
the past 11 nights in a row,
always by 3:48 am.
from the corner of a still, dead house;
no light beyond the inescapable sliver of a fading crescent -
its glow only peeks through a crack in the 12-foot ceiling above my bed.
i've changed rooms since i returned to this house,
praying to keep the presence of unfamiliarity;
but nothing can detach me from this.
no, this came back with me.

like clockwork,
my fingernails claw feverishly at the bedspread,
face buries hard into the sheets.
jaw wired shut,
through the gaps in my bared teeth,
my throat spasms to steal any air.
my knees pull in tighter to my chest,
you gotta get out i slept in the woods last night
with no coat and missing shoes;
i made my bed in the snow,
buried my face against the ice,
and felt nothing.
skin sinking to pale blues with every hour,
(a faded variety against the colourless drapery called my complexion).
my veins crackled and snapped, icicles forming inside.
numb to the bone and core as i was the day you left.
staring into a dead sky, past fusain tree limbs,
the sound of something corporate seemed to take to the passing wind.
its pounding piano and cutting words
should have stung like the frostbite,
but instead swept me unconscious.
but i am Kristie not Konstantine,
and you sp

Featured in Groups:

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 group avatar #Drop-Dead-Intense
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This Is The Life group avatar #TheBeautiful-Bones
Strength And Frailty.

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July 8, 2008
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:iconmotionlesssndtrk:
this photo was taken just under a year ago.
...though the title is a Tegan and Sara song, its meaning alone rings in my ears.
i haven't anything new to upload yet.
..but i'm held now to thoughts and reflection of where i was one year ago...
all while still too often trapped --
believing i am ten years ago.



i am not where i was then.
not one year ago.
not ten.
i'm weaker and stronger.
more feeble and frail,
but hardened by steel.
my backbone has solidified,
i'll still break if the wind blows too hard.
i'm more resilient.
i'm run down.
i've grown.
i've regressed.
i am not where i was.
i am not ten years ago.

"I'm up and doing circles.
I collapse."

I'm nearly 21.
A confident adult.
Responsible, mature, wise.
But,
some days I'm only 3.
The next hour I'm a seven-year-old cradled in a corner, perpetual fear that makes me cower.
I am 14 and grief-stricken.
I am 11, and I am brave. I am CHANCE.
I am 17 and suffocating in self-loathing and imperfections. Unwanted. Unlovable. Failure.
Then I am 10 and my brothers my best friend.
At 8, I get dirty and roughhouse; unafraid.
I am 12 with the biggest dreams and undying faith. Nothing is out of reach, and my hopes are never too high.
Still,
I am Kristie. I am 20.
I am not where I was.

"Now I don't know why, but I still try to smile
when they talk at me like i'm just a child
well, i'm not a child.
no
..i am much younger than that."

i am not where i was,
but maybe i've never been.
i'm unborn.
an upcoming creation.

i am not ten years ago, nor fifteen or five.
i am today.

time to enter
my
brave
NEW
world.











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:iconsunflowersutra:
~sunflowersutra Apr 17, 2012
perfect lighting and model very emotive
Reply
:icontheblamelessvestal:
*theblamelessvestal Nov 22, 2011
:iconfeatureplz:here:[link]

--
How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.
Reply
:icontheblamelessvestal:
*theblamelessvestal Oct 10, 2011
:iconfeaturedplz: here [link]

--
How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.
Reply
:icontheblamelessvestal:
*theblamelessvestal Oct 10, 2011
:iconfeaturedplz: here [link]

--
How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.
Reply
:iconbelle004:
~Belle004 Jun 10, 2011
Your words... love them.. perfection with the picture. Perfect moment. Perfect emotion.

--
And the midget said "I am not happeh!"
Well...which one are you? I replied. :D
Reply
:iconredshuttleworth:
!RedShuttleworth Dec 19, 2010
An extraordinary image.
Reply
:iconmotionlesssndtrk:
~motionlessSndtrk Dec 19, 2010
wow, thank you very much.
:hug::hug:

--
----
[...a secret was concealed.]
it rose like thunder, clapped under our hands!
it s t r e t c h e d for centuries to a diary entry's end;
where i wrote:

you make me happy when skies are grey.
Reply
:iconkumidoublekay:
~KumiDoubleKay Jul 25, 2010
I love Tegan and Sara and this piece is amazing!
Reply
:iconmotionlesssndtrk:
~motionlessSndtrk Jul 27, 2010
aah! thank you!
they're undoubtedly one of my favourite bands, so i'm ecstatic to hear that!

--
----
[...a secret was concealed.]
it rose like thunder, clapped under our hands!
it s t r e t c h e d for centuries to a diary entry's end;
where i wrote:

you make me happy when skies are grey.
Reply
:iconkumidoublekay:
~KumiDoubleKay Jul 27, 2010
I know! I would love to see them live! Most of my friends tho don't like listening to them; they're an "acquired taste" lol.
Reply
:icon:
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